Lotus - surviving life & remaining pure to urself

Monday, October 31, 2005

Too exhausted to work

These past few days/ weeks really tested me to my limits. Being on my own (colleagues off to holidays and doing night shift), doing jobs for 3 consultants, and few days where I have to do on call at the same time; sometimes I just feel I am not coping as well as I thought. And have to present audit this Friday....aaaa, tensen betul.

Doesn't help that mu husband pun a bit tensen with work - not getting kitchen equipment he has requested, budak services are lembab etc...

Times like this, we wish we had our own business, a least we are the boss, and can do what we like.

Malas betul nak pegi kerja.

Saturday, October 22, 2005

Nice doc

Reading Bel blog about nice doctors; I totally agree with her. We need compassions and not just brain doing this job.

This is my third month being a junior doctor and I think I am getting better. Blood letting, cannulation, blood culture and ABG no longer stressed me as much it used to be. The best aspect of this job is dealing with human emotions, like when I catch one of my patient staring the window and I know he is thinking about his metastatic terminal cancer which he has battled for a long hard 5 years, and I took time out to speak with him; reassuring a patient who gets anxiety attacks whenever she thinks she will be going home soon after spending 4 months in Intensive care and wards. Its just priceless.

By the way, I will never ever do psychiatry job.

Sunday, October 16, 2005

Acchummmm!

Am down with terrible cold. Can feel my tonsils are as large as a pair of golfball. Been stuffing myself with max dose of lemsip to keep the temperature down. I really should get my tonsils out as i am getting it on yearly basis now, but am too chicken to go for surgery (another male colleague share similar view; his tonsillitis is worse though). We are the worse patients, aren't we?

And still, i go to work. To make things worse, I am the only junior doctor available for the whole of next week for 3 consultants. Great, just great. I hope i will get better by tomorrow. Please God. And I am on call on Tuesday.

At moments like this, I wish I could just be a stay-at-home wife. No stress, no pressure of looking after anybody apart from your family. Truth been told, I never really that ambitious to become a doctor. People asked me when I grow up did I dream to become a doctor. The real answer is no. I never give it a serious thought until I finished SPM.Don't get me wrong, I enjoy my job. Truly does. Of course its a bit like roller coaster ride, up and down emotionally and mentally. There is a degree of achievement I did feel.

I want a baby.