Lotus - surviving life & remaining pure to urself

Thursday, April 20, 2006

And after all these stress...

I feel high...

Just a brief note as I am involved with a very complicated medical cases involving Orthopaedic surgeons(from 2 hospitals of different trust), haematologist, gastroenterologist, general physicians, matrons and nurses plus difficult families. And I am the central unit that keeping everything together for the past few days as my superior is away. My registrar just come back today.

The ortho surgeon said to me - he is well-impressed that I manage to do what I do in this complex case.

These past two days seemed worth it ( incl. yesterday arrest, AF, PR bleed until haemodynamically compromised, few extremely poorly patients. And all happened to different patients). The adrenaline rush is still there.

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

stress..stress

Feeling bloody distress and worried unnecessarily.

Wish I could have done central line without supervision (of course I still can't, because I am not confident enough. I have done two central lines with supervision though!

Care of Elderly depresses me. Honest.

I wish I could have the blazing gun and guts - central lines, inotropes, fluid etc... in the elderly. Basically tries everything. Of course it will be bloody unkind (and I am not that experienced to authorised that, muahaha) . Its like going in a circle, isn't it? Catch 22. Oh dear.

No wonder I am stress.

I need the fucking spa.

Monday, April 17, 2006

Maybe Baby

Just finished watching "Maybe Baby" - starred Hugh Laurie and Joel Richardson. A Brits movie about a couple trying for a baby, based on Ben Elton's novel of similar title.

Cried a bucket. Gosh, I am getting hormonal. More or less summarised of what I am feeling now (though I think we haven't tried enough because busy with work and especially when I am on-call). Probably will recommended it to my friend back home of similar situation...Though I think she is more pressurised. Mind you, its only been a year since she's been married.


"I want children so very very much. As we got closer to the day which we will see me may or may not reborn, the longing inside me become almost physical. Sort of morning sickness for the unfulfilled. Every young mother that I see is a simultaneous moment of exultation and despair".

"I want that so very much too. It will be a part of you as an extension of our love. But if we don't have that, that's alright too. Because we still have us, don't you see? Our love will still be no less.


Out to grab the novel.