2010

2010 is here, finally.

I am going to enjoy the last year of my 20s.

2009 has not been an easy year for me. Wouldn't say I come out unscathed, but it did make me realise a bit more about what I want, and hopefully what I will be.

I am fortunate to enjoy what I do.

I am going to work hard to get this exam thing done. At the moment I am alternating between panic to chill and then panic again and then scared, then back to panic etc... Not quite sure what to expect with this new station in PACES.

Now back to panic...aaaaaaa!!! (Taknak la fail kalau boleh...haiyooo)

Azam baru?? Targets?

Kejap jer dah 2010...

I do have certain targets that I am in dire need to achieve...and other wishes for next year.

Nak kena complete my MRCP. Already out of nearly 2 grands (pound sterling) for PACES preparation and exam fee.

I have this longing of doing a Master degree.

I want to see the world. Rasa macam ambik 6 months off work, beli world-wide hop-on hop-off flight ticket and just be a free spirit and travel to my heart contents. I am sure this rubs off from Sue, my SpR.

I want to be closer to my sister and brothers. To support my youngest brother music career.
http://www.myspace.com/lisasdiaryofficial

It will be great if God grant me with motherhood (but please, don't ever approach me with broodiness).

Rasa nak a new car....buy another house. (See, this is selfishness and pure self indulgence)

Nak be healthier and more exercise.

Nak build up savings and investments (dengan self-indulgence?? I am crazy.Nak kena buat locum ni, but malas giler. I love my job as they are now.)

Death

My beloved paternal grandmother passed away today.

I couldn't go home..

She died in her daughter's arm (my aunt), surrounded by all family member. It was quick, painless and peaceful. I thought it might been a pulmonary embolism or a massive myocardial infarction. She has been unwell for quite some time, hence it doesn't exactly come as surprise. But it is sudden, and the whole of my family had to left the wedding on my maternal family side, travelling from Tanjung Karang to Batu Pahat.

It gives me some sort of peace to know my grandmother died in a relatively quick painless and comfortable death.

I am a bit morbid; to me personally, having seen many deaths in my career, a "comfortable" and dignified death is very important. Seeing some patients "decaying" in front of your eyes is not very nice.

I remember seeing this end-stage myeloma patient, diseases recurred despite bone marrow transplant, completely blood and platelet transfusion dependant, need constant almost daily treatment for hyperkalaemia and hypercalcaemia. This went on for almost a month. He slowly deteriorating in front of our eyes. We finally have to confront the family with the awful truth that he is going to die (either from bleeding to death or arrhythmias) and we literally buying time with all these transfusions (he need it every 2-3 days, the whole bone marrow are populated by myeloma cells). He is never going to leave hospital if we are going to continue to do this. (Even worse, the disease recurs whilst he is on chemotherapy.)...It was hard; this poor man already exhausted and you can clearly see he wanted rest, and the children were crying wanting him to continue whilst they search for treatment in America, eventhough deep down I have a feeling they knew his disease is not salvage-able.

Socializing

I love my current workplace. Well, I think I do anyway.

I have been out with the Diabetes & Endocrine team (consultants, SpRs, specialist nurses and the secretary) at least for 2 outings (already) this year alone. Found out one of my bosses is a big fan of Shakira. And please, this is not drug-reps-sponsored thingy; this pay-it-yourself 30 quid dinner and make-an-effort-to-look-nice.

The Christmas do was so much fun..fun. My SpR and I were dancing with the Stroke Consultant.

And no, I don't drink any alcohol at all.

Ok peeps, need to get some shut-eye. Tomorrow going to be a busy day for a little get-together. Hubster and I are doing the cooking..

Random thoughts

Remortgage - done. Within 20 mins by phone that is.

It feels like I am further and further away from Malaisie. Am I losing my roots? I couldn't imagine where I will be in 20 years time. The thing is I never even imagine I will ever go abroad or become a doctor in my teenage years. Always thought that is for someone else; and here I am.

Night shifts has become scarily busy. And there are plenty seriously sick people. So many heart attack, and the tertiary interventional hospital are running out of beds. My hospital have been running amber on our bed status for days (we have yet to close down our Accident & Emergency and divert admissions; lets hope that doesn't happen).

Ever wonder why the Westerners are fighting for democracy in Afghanistan? So many of these young soldiers die, and I feel truly sorry for the sadness to their family. A country so corrupt, so poor, so much fightings and yet a Muslim country? I often wonder why there is so little input from Islamic country (Muslim helping Muslim?). Perhaps we all never find the true answer.

I don't like paediatrics.

Sometimes I feel lost.

Study..study.

Smooth transition

Back in cardiology now.

It feels easy and smooth, despite a rather chaotic arrangement. No proper SpR ward round and I am rather confuse with the consultant arrangements, nonetheless it still feels ok, I suppose. Its rather nice that I have to stepped up and lead the cardiology ward again.

Its still early days...we shall see.