Rediscovering Brian & Delta

For some reasons today, I "you-tubing" Brain & Delta songs. Probably got something to do with the overbearing media news about his Brian's ex. And yes, I read Daily Mail despite my abhorence at their mockery headlines. Could you please just stop slagging cellulite & stop showing headlines about drugs addicts Priory resident so-called celebrities?

Back to their videos, I can't stop crying watching their live performance -so happy & so in love (and its not at all cheesy or dribbling with over touchy behaviour or sloppy kisses etc). Their eyes shines with pure happiness when they looked at each other and their voices complement each other (never realise Brian McFadden has such a good voice). Wrote their own songs, make their own music arrangements and performed together without the overbearing cheesiness.

Don't see that in showbiz these days.

And I need to stop being such a crybaby.

Getting this off my chest....

Urghh....greatly annoying post take ward round.

Excuse the swearing.You never realised how much you swears; having said that my current supervisor is way cool - He said: Don't worry Huda, I don't care about your swearing, I swears all the time, and don't trust anyone here. Having a consultant who is like your buddy is really great. Our usual rounds & when he is annoyed with sth include - damn it, WTF, F_____ sth etc.

You need it to survive this place. Honest. I bare my soul.

Back to today ward round. Marah betul la gua dgn the day docs. Boleh dia carry on lepaking & doing nothing when I am alone doing the ward round with consultant.Fucking lazy.I had a busy night, and these guys just sat there doing fucking nothing. Initially I ignore it, then still tak gerak lagi bontot, I called them twice to join rounds. The Locum consultant lak do nothing.Geram betul, pas tu tanya you have a busy night? Obviously, I just fucking ignore them.

I have nothing against "asian doc" (will not expand on this, but definitely not south east asians). Some are really good, but there is a small minority still carry this "male" sometimes a bit chauvinist-arse. I do accept some them probably don't mean to be rude but just really bad communication skills.

I also do accept when I am busy I have no time to say please to nurses - sorry, they just have to live with this. When I am running around doing round, taking referrals, this & that & the fact I don't really trust everyone here - I need quick efficient staffs, not lazy slow bum who get nothing done. Some, are just plain stupid.

I certainly don't need medical staffs who don't recognised STEMI/NSTEMI, Type II respiratory failure or acute renal failure.This kind of people will forever be in my bad book, and yes, I will damn shout at you.

Wish I can have a bitching session with D this morning.

Soft spot

Its kinda tricky when you developed a soft spot for a patient; and I only meet him today.

Tomorrow his world will come crashing down. I looked up his CT report after clinic today and the metastases is every where in the thorax and abdominal region, despite surgery and intense chemo regime which he finished this week.

.........subdued.


I think the saddest consultation I ever sat through is when I was in med school. The consultant in charge is the person who discover the physiology of renal tubules. He was telling this pregnant women on dialysis with really bad cardiovascular profile who carry a set of twin and we need to decide about considering abortion. It will be a very high risk pregnancy & chance of successful pregnancy is unpredictable; if she carries on, it will either kill her or her babies first. She started sobbing and my heart literally broken into pieces for her.

On travelling....& commuting

After the ferry ride on Monday (which caused me to miss my Cardiology Clinic; ended up with my F2 doing my clinic list), I have a lot of thought about travelling. If only...Man, I am longing for a place to properly put down my root, work at local hospital (and be done with the travelling & commuting)and then I can just concentrate on my life. My social life sucks, its difficult to keep friends as we keep moving and to be truthful, its much easier for me keep my friendship with my work colleagues. At least we go to the same course,know the same docs,can refer patients among ourselves, can wallow in self pity about career progressions, have bitchin sessions together etc...(this is sad.)

Of course with the career I have chosen, can kiss this goodbye lah..for at least another 6-7 years?

Ever since I came to this country, I have...

- commuting via tube from west london to east london for 5 years, rotating from one hospital to another. One of the worst one is when I did OBG at Southend (travel by tube, then train, then bus to arrive at the blooming hospital. Sick of London tube.

- Countless flights London Luton - Zurich when we were dating. There is one time I missed my flight, late by 5 minutes at the check in counter. I was so angry & ended up crying for 30 minutes in the toilet. Managed to fly in the next available flight the same morning. So sick with airport security by this time. I remember vividly September 11 - I watched the TV in Zurich Banhoff (train station).

- Daily commuting Blackburn - Manchester. Not too bad. Pernah la jugak stucked in traffic jam at M62 at 12 midnight!

- Yearly flight going back to Malaysia. I wished we are closer, mum!

- Isle of Man - Liverpool/Heysham ferry travel (can be up to 4 hours at time). So sick of it. Need to upgrade to flight during winter months. The Irish Sea is wayyyyyy too rough.



Lately, Liverpool does feel like home. Probably got something to do with the fact that now we owned our own house; but this city is getting more & more cosmopolitan look. Even at night terang benderang especially with the opening of Liverpool One.

Last night, I said I have got a tenner to the cab driver and he winks, Scouse, eh? That, did make me smile. I don't think I have the accent yet, mate. I am rootless.

Apparently my colleagues think I am garang to the juniors. At least I did not reduce them to tears like D did! I will "tegur" if my juniors making mistakes (K keep saying I shout to that "50 yr old SHO" - sapa tak marah, if any of my patients ended in ITU because of him, he will get it from me!);also not being able to do ABG 3 months into the job is unacceptable to me.

Again thinking about GP as a career.

It did frighten me how one can lose their hospital medicine skills when they work as a GP. Seeing how X cannot interpret blood gases, doesnt know how to manage emergencies, sending inappropriate people to ITU - it scares the hell out of me.

Brit's X Factor 2008

Ah, the joy of reality tv!

I am getting obsessed with watching Alexandra Burke clips on youtube. From her auditions, bootcamp and the final 12 performance..man, that girl rocks! So soulful, so perfect and still more to come. Can't wait Singing better than Beyonce, and love her version of Whitney Houston song.

That Austin from JLS - man, I am fixated when he sings! So cute.

Yes, it has passed.....

Back in good mood again today....

My case presentation on my first ever discitis went very well today (despite me rushing through in 15 minutes time as my house officer ate my allocated time), and it is sooo refreshing to see the consultants including my Royal College tutor get excited and participate in a very good discussion. My consultant even jokes around in the middle of my presentation asking if I want him to demonstrate the anatomy.... He probably will be even more happy when he knew I manage to sweet talk the surgeon to do the OGD after 5 pm!

It feels great to be appreciated (and this come with being trusted to do more jobs and referring patients to tertiary centres!Sigh).

My previous consultant is great as well. He did say the whole team missed me when I came back from my 2 weeks leave although I kinda think he just missed having me as his SHO. He is so clever & organised that I don't think he really needs me that much.

I must be mad.

GP anyone?

Down time

I feel like I want to walk away from everything. I feel drained.

Sigh....







This too, shall pass.

Worst journey ever

Oh my lord! The angry Irish sea. Had the worst ferry journey ever! (I DO hope this is the worst though!)

I was sick for at least 3 times, plus one time at this poor old lady desk. I was walking to the lounge for an orange juice when this strong wave suddenly struck and send my head in a motion & almost fallen over. I am sure she saw my face turned green, grab a sick bag and sat an adjacent seat to vomit.. It was a 7 floor ferry, and you would have to imagine how fierce the Irish Sea with the gales that it caused the whole ferry to rock, you can literally hear plates breaking, doors banging and people vomitting. The 2 hours journey became 4 hours journey as the captain was trying to steer the ferry against the strong gales.

And my legs were licked by a giant black dog. The ferry was choked full with people as they cancelled Liverpool ferry and divert the passengers to the Heysham ferry. Ended up sitting in the people with pet areas.

Things people do, eh? Why the hell did I accept the job offer exactly one and 1/2 year ago?

Forgot I was that desperate for training post. Please let it be worth it. Suddenly GP become an attractive career options.

New Wagamama outlet open in Liverpool One. Yeay!