blabla

I know, I know. Its sad. I enjoyed watching Celebrity Love Island (bitching session, who is the fittest bird, i fancy him, he likes the other bird etc...right? Hehehe.)OSCE coming up nih. Buruk sungguh perangai.

Anyway, just want to jot down some quotes i heard over telly, and read on mags,and a few encounters.

- "To be with someone who loves the parts of me I hate".
(this is what Liz Atomic Kitten said when asked how she vision herself 5 years from now). I can relate to this.

- "I just want to be happy".

- "I felt robbed for the rest of my life".
(This one I got an article in a mag. The woman lost her 34 year old husband ('the love of her life','the one','the prince charming') to cancer. And she said seeing her children grow up without their dad, make her feel cheated by the Force. Who wouldn't? I burst into tears after reading the article. I was being too soppy these days, I know. Missed him.

- "Why us? We were so happy".
(this is what the wife said after the doctor break the bad news that there is nothing we can do for her husband who had mesothelioma secondary to asbestos exposure). It broke my heart.I vividly remember my own emotion trying hard not to cry sitting through the consultation, her silent tears, and their encircled hands.Her lovely husband didn't cry, he is the one who hold her strong the whole time.

Enuff about all soppy stuffs.

I did my group revision a few weeks ago (i was the only gal, the rest are guys). 9 hours later, we were done, then the guys talked about "birds".Hehe. M, he is such a great playboy. Really good at picking up girls. And his secret? Girls always have this kind of idea of being rescued by Prince Charming. Even alpha female want guys to lead the relationship. Yelah, mcm mana independant pun a female species is, she likes to be led. Spot on!My husband knows best when it comes to me! I love being pampered by him .

My thought - "Man, you are good!". (then he went on about how he broke up, and come up with various reasons which include i realise i was gay/sorry girl, i am going to america. He told me he got this mark (of nothing) on his chest - then he told the girl he got stabbed. Way to impress girl, M!

My advice to girls - "Don't be so gullible. Seriously right, if a guy really really likes you, he will make the effort. Don't waste your time chasing the one because he probably not "in" to you. Also, if you are confident (even a pretence one) in the way you conduct yourself, you definitely can pick up guys".

My conclusion, guys and girls do have different concept of fun and marriage. At the end of the day, its down to what you wish for in life!

Bye from the Love Agony Aunt. (grin)

Kylie and breast cancer

News of Kylie having breast cancer swept UK like a raging fire.

Breast cancer lines that were set up by televisions, breast cancer charities are swamped with calls of concerns. I am damned sure the breast cancer clinics are struggling with sudden and GPS escalating demands. At least, something good come out of this - increase awareness of breast cancer.

I guess because Kylie symbolizes young successful woman, and when she suddenly strucked with breast cancer, it does make such a poignant point to the society who view her. One minute you have everything life can offer, the next minute, everything blew. Cancer in young people is rare, when it happened, it is usually sinister. The fact that she need to have chemotherapy implied the invasivity of the cancer. Another implication is chemo blow her dream of conceiving a child naturally to smoke, and the whole issue of preserving your eggs before chemo.

I remember a patient I met - she was diagnosed with breast cancer when
she is pregnant. Imagine to have to undergo mastectomy (more or less) straight after delivering your child, and only miniscule time to be able to breastfeed. Not only it stripped your womanhood, it destroys the whole your self-esteem as a mother. I have great sympathy and empathy to cancer patients; I just don't know if I could do the oncologist job. Palliative care is such an attractive specialties - but the heartbreak, gosh. Btw, those who don't know, palliative care is a specialties which deal with terminally ill, incurable disease patients (pancreatic cancer, Alzheimer's, late stage cancer, major stroke)- helping them to maintain a good quality of life before their death, so they can die with dignity and minimal pain;at least minimise their suffering.

To think that when I have a child, I went home and tell him/her, "Today mummy make a lot people cry".

Ramblings from a stressed-up finalist

Ahh, the beauty of studying for finals..(Anyway, just pardon or turn a deaf ear of what I am going to ramble about. Life basically has reduced you to fast-food/ microwaved food/ chips & sausage eating (breakfast, lunch, dinner) lunatics, who spend the day studying & falling asleep and the night sleeping or studying. No wonder everyone seemed nutritionally deficient and emaciated. I wonder what its like to study for MRCP/MRCGP/FRCS etc... must be a lot harder plus you gonna be broke since you pay for those exams.

Time like this, I wish I was a housewife. Envious of other people life. But then again, I probably will be the worst housewife in the world..Nah, it doesn't suits me, I probably tear my hair out out of boredom OR turn to a telly junkie OR obsesssive compulsive who clean the toilet with a tootbrush..I know I have this very "celupar" gut tendency to ask few young housewives I have met - so, what do you do during the day? Must be bored, isn't it?. I guess I am women worst enemy, hehe.

I have become a coffee-dependant git. Need it for mental alertness and to make sure I fully wake up when I am studying. Coffee irritates my bladder, increases my gastric motility, urrghh! I even try exercising before start revision to make sure I am mentally awake, so far, doesn't seemed to work very much apart from make me feel tachycardic. With me drinking at least 2 strong coffee everyday, please God, I hope I don't get stones few years down the line! That will be hell!

Kylie gets breast carcinoma. Man, a bit sad for her since I saw her in good health masa her concert a few weeks ago.

Shoot me now.

My job and their life

Taking a break from studying and am reflecting some thoughts.

You know why life as a doctor is pretty hard?

The thought crossed my mind when I did past paper questions (which has a huge chunk of real life issues on sociology, what to do in this situation etc..). Beside having to learn the sciences of disease and therapy, you spend the rest of your life sorting out other people problems. I love practising in the UK, there is so much you can do to improve patients lives although one has to be careful with the ethics and legal aspects (I have taken up medical defence union insurance policy).

When I start working soon, I will deal with family conflict, breaking bad news, patient anger and emotion, dealing with relatives, confirm deaths etc. Dealing with raw human emotions day in and day out. From medical aspect, any mistakes I made might costs someone else lives. Looking at my other friends who did other course (no offence, alright), gosh, I did for a moment envy their lives. Less time to worry about other people life.

It aches me when I think about medical practice in Malaysia. The less fortunate won't be able to afford expensive medical care eg: chemo, HIV treatment, prognostic improving drugs like statin etc. Which is why I adore NHS.. Poor or rich, you get the appropriate treatment except for long waiting time la.

Do you know that Lee Kuan Yew wife fall ill when she came to London, admitted to Royal London Hospital (THE NHS), then start demanding that she should be treated first? Of course no one at Royal London gave a shit (hey, all have to be treated equally ye, sapa dtg dulu diala treated first).I heard she wrote a complaint letter to our hospital. Sapa suruh pegi NHS, spend your money at private hospital la if you want to be treated first!

Take away & Eat in

Marks & Spencer Tuna Nicoise salad is soooo delicious. The dripping juicy basil, mustard and lemon dressing on top of fresh salad (nope its not iceberg lettuce)- its Cos lettuce instead, frisee green bean, tomatoes, cucumber and nicoise olives plus new potatoes, free range eggs, parsley and tuna, is just heavenly. Ni kalau letak avocado lagi sedap.

My crazy appetite has me craved for salad lunch and dinner today. Dunno why. Nope, I don't do diet. I want to get Krispy Kreme as well, but the boxes selling a dozen of sugar glazed one are all gone by the time I get to Liverpool Street. Damned!

Stop at Pret A Manger during lunchtime on my way from Barts Hospital to Royal London. My friends all bought sandwiches and baguettes; I have had enough of the sarnies, so want to try other non- bread stuffs, end up buying this Pret A Manger Crayfish and Avocado salad. Sedap gila. I should have bought the big box instead of small one.

I have a horrible start today - wake up at 9:15 am, padahal have to be in at 9:00 for GP OSCE practice. In the shower, fikir what a good excuse to use eg: someone died, I fall down the stairs, my friend has a nervous breakdown & I help calmed her down, etc.. I arrived at clinical skills centre at 9:40, went straight to my group. Nasib baik the organiser tak tanya apa2x, otherwise memang kena bohong sunat la. Then tak sampai 30 seconds for me to catch my breath (I have been running ok), tutor asked me to do abdo examination in front of everyone. Nasib baik I have been practising loads with A, it all went very well. Quite surprise with myself actually. Hihi. Good day all in all in spite of a very bad start.

Switch off alarm clock lagi.

Kylie concert at Earls Court last week

Initially, I am very pissed when Channel 4 broadcast Kylie concert on telly, padahal tonite is her last her performance in London. Buang duit den je poie konsert dia last week (her first day in London). Dahla I realise the performance yang dia broadcast is the same one I attended to. Kot yer pun tunggu la Minah tu dah pegi Australia for her next tour.

As I am watching it right now kan...I think, mmmm. Well,one thing though people who didn't go to her concert, the atmosphere masa her performance was unbelievable. The concert was completely sold out, seriously, memang the whole arena of Earls Court full, takde tempat kosong langsung. And everyone stand up dancing and miming the night away after her second song, including hunky gorgeous male species, pot belly men, little boys and girls, grandma and grandpa, mommies and daddies. Best2x. I really enjoy the concert. I accidentally kicked the beer glass of the person sitting next to me while I danced, luckily she didn't mind at all. Hehe.

What can I say, huhu, can I be Kylie (or as Kylie dancer pun tak kisah, so I can wear all the sexy D&G tops/hot pants/ dresses)?

Her dresses took my breath away. So bloody gorgeous. Her male dancers blew my mind, phew! They are soooo hot (eye candy eye candy - mmg sungguh mengeksploitasi male sexuality)! Have to say, it made a good all girls nite out.

Compliment

Yesterday, my GP tutor gives me one of the best compliments ever in my life, career-wise.

"If I were a hospital consultant, I will be fighting for you to work with me".

He said that to me after watching two of my video-taped consultations with patients. Its was such a confidence boost before I cross the finishing line for my undergraduate degree. I was really touch when he said he like my way with patients, commenting about the many aspects of communication skills - my body language, the silent moment, summarising, open questions and honesty.

You see, I never value myself that much. Till I met my husband. He did replace the missing jigsaw in my self value.

I think its something to do with the thing I missed when I grew up. Compliments from my parents. I wish, if only they could say I am proud of you to me.

Just to get this off my chest

I know, i know, i should be concentrating on exam.

These past few days, I have this feeling of restlessness. Can't wait to finish exam, can't wait to start a new beginning of life (ie work wise), can't wait for everything..I feel stucked.

Come to think of my medic colleagues - i think the hardest part of doing medicine especially abroad, is you have to put certain parts of your personal life on hold. The feeling of being left behind when friends having babies (oh, i didn't tell you that I cried after meeting my colleague's baby), working life sorted etc..basically just getting on with the move of your life.

I shud stop now.