Girly nite

We celebrated Eza 24th birthday (sori for telling ur real age :D) at the stroke of midnite of 31st December 2004. It's simple and sweet and she kinda surprised as well. Then she modelled her gifts.

I got new eye brow (as does Fareeza) - tweezed by Zehan. Apparently it makes me look different. Let see what Yusra says when she arrived from Aberdeen with Faiz tomorrow.

A number of hair straightening session and modelling stuffs we bought over Boxing Days followed.

Eza is showing off her new pair of pastel pistachio coloured killer heels.

Should I mention the gossiping and world matter discussion as well?

We took photos. Browsing internet. Discuss what to do before Eza leaving for good tomorrow. We all gonna missed you.

Hols..hols..hols! Ho..ho..ho..

Its been a blast holiday so far. A relief from all the works & the hustle bustle (and the tube strike, aha!) of London. Manage to do a lot of catching up with friends..not to mention bitching about college days! Not really bitching la..."discussing" - that's more like it. Who get married, get engage, making babies, people confusing sexuality, current jobs etc.....Make me realise how I have grown over the years after college. I realised my strongest quality is my independance and my will for survival - if you throw me to any country in this world and to start my life from zero without any social support, I prolly survive. If given the option, I want to do my houseman job in another country - be it the Sates, Australia, South Africa, Canada or anywhere else. I want to travel and live the world. Not yet ready to settle in one place. One thing I rarely mention is I find it quite a struggle to fit into the role of a wife. Giving up my independance is something that I am still learning to do.Being away from husband doesn't help either. Really appreaciate his patience with me.

Anyway, enuff with that.

In Newcastle, Elly has been stuffing me with food, a lot. Tonite we - Nadine, Elly & me cooked soto, complete with bergedil and all. Later we were joined by Yus (ct bf). WAtched National Treasure with them in the morning. I think I prolly embarassed them when I said "alamak" outloud in the cinema.Hihihi, sorry Nadine & Elly. I also have been practising my singing skills with them - karaoke with the PS2. Terrible I tell you.

Am going back to Edinburgh on Thursday. On the day I arrived to Edinburgh, Eza, Zeihan, Elly, Bel & me went to German Christmas market. I totally loved it. Bought myself a wooden hand-painted domino set and "the dream catcher"(some sort of a hanging piece made of feathers and wooden wheel to catch a bad dream, so they said). Got a chance practising my Dutch..hehe. There is a funfair nearby the Princes St. I wanna go, prolly go there after I come back from Newcastle. Went to factory outlet in Livingstone on Boxing Day - so best finding all the bargains.
Meet up with Ellina, Oja and other Elly's friends. So hampa when I found out from Oja that tickets to Hogmanay street party dah gone about 3 mths ago. Ceh! I made new friends with the people I am staying with in Edinburgh - Zam & Fareeza, you guys are a blast! I really enjoy our girly talk the nite after when we went mad shopping in Livingstone.

I actually am down with quite bad flu and cold - luckily no fever, since the beginning of my journey to Scotland. Hopefully it will be gone by end of this week, otherwise have to go to GP ask for antibiotics. My husband is quite surprise to hear my voice on the phone. It sounds bad he said, I almost lost my voice and have terrible cough. I even snores when I slept now - it sounds painful Elly told me. Anyway, pray for my health cos I hate being sick!

Lastly, my doa goes to all affected by the earthquake & the tsunami. Whenever I listen to the news, it brings tears to my eyes. I REALLY wish I could be there to help. In the face of disaster, all of us come together in unity - no matter what ethnicity, rich or poor, young and old. Its human nature - we are made to survive together.

Ebay

Don't get started on Ebay. It's addictive. I keep wanting browsing, bidding and hopefully not buying. And I am at work.

Past few days

I am multitasking at work now - bloghopping, make a payment for my first ebay buy (at last, I win the bidding!) and doing work.

I am so busy these past few days - kuar 8-ish pagi, return home 8/9/10 malam. It's holiday, for God sake! These are things I did since the start of holiday. Go to work, then Homerton hospital doing audit project, went out with friends tgk theatre, dinner with friends at this absolutely-heavenly-the best juicy STEAK & crispy with tons of cheese salad ever-HALAL- Mexican- food restaurant in Whiteleys.

Tonight will be leaving for Edinburgh to see old friends. Can't wait. Definitely gonna get some much needed rest and holidays.

Good news about my audit project, which my partner & I will present during medical round team in February. Much to my delight, my consultant think we should submit this whole project to be presented as Poster & presentation at British Society of Rheumatology conference. Unfortunately we have gone past dateline to submit for this year conference, so gonna try for national conference in 2006. I am literally grinning to my ears.

I love the whole Rheumatology team at this hospital - literally the best time ever (for me) in medical school.

I am such a workaholic, am I not?

Him

I really missed him. So much.

Period

Having a period, accompanied with low back pain, feeling bloated & nauseous and not to mention how often I need to go to the loo and toilet to either No 1, No 2 or changing. Missed the cuddle from hubby right now.

I was really cranky and inflammable about a week ago.

While all these PMS thingy going on, I have to keep my mood and appearance under check & be totally professional while sitting through clinic & taking history from patient. Did I mention that I have to take history from this timid guy who is the husband, but most of the time, the one who answered & snapped on his behalf is his extremely bossy & bitchy wife. She caused a lot of stir in the clinic, hassling all the nurses and other patients because she had to wait more than one hour.

My soon-to-be-retired consultant has to take history from patient (this is why it is always appreciated when medical student do the history taking), read the referral letter, order tests in the computer, do referral to physiotherapy if necessary, do steroid injection if necessary, explain to patient about treatment, dictating the letters about the appointment, telling nurse to find X-ray/ blood result because somehow the clinic clerk forgot to put them in patients record and also have to deal with computer which will not print patient appointments and teaching medical student at the same time, of course things will run a little bit behind. The 10 minutes appointment is not ideal but this is the so-called government target. Talk about being under pressure, huh. And my consultant does this 5 days a week.

Do you NOW see why you have to wait in hospital?

The Godfather

These past few days I spent some quality time watching trilogy of The Godfather. I love all three movies so much. Even watch them for second time with Director Commentaries. The Godfather was made with a lot of thought and efforts put in every single details, with Coppola personal touch as an Italian.

Do you know that Sofia Coppola starred in the movie as a baby, and also as teenager - she is Mary Corleone, Michael daughter? Francis Ford Coppola family was heavily involved as additional castings - his mother is the one who is in the coffin when the actress who acted as Michael Corleone'm mum refused to do the death scene and his son acted as young Sonny Corleone.

I love Al-Pacino. He is such an amazing actor. I cried a lot watching The Godfather III - Michael Corleone's heart ache is literally palpable. His character as The Godfather - charming, quiet, very smart, a real gentleman, and yet very distant with a rather disturbing dark devilish aura of determination surrounding him. People respect and yet dreaded him. Have to say, I probably will fall in love with a guy like this - I feel the character is almost like my male counter ego. It will be a difficult journey to love a character like that though.The partner has to make a lot of emotional sacrifice with silent suffering.

Aaa!

Babies freaks me out!

Run, run, young lady.

Ed

A couple of days ago, I bumped into Ed. I was walking down the hospital corridor, carrying stacks of patients records need to be browsed into for my rheumatology audit project. I had a lot in my mind at that time that I didn't notice him passing me by. He actually turned back to me, pat me on my shoulder and said, "Hi! It's you!". I was quite surprised and very pleased to see him; we haven't met for about 2 years I think.

Ed is my senior at medical school and he & I used to work together at the GP practice where I work now. He is of Afro-Carribean origin, handsome, and has a very toned tanned body. You know those black models in perfume advert in magazines and billboard? He is like that - that kind of face & body. Except Ed is not of model height, but he is tall, appropriate for guys. An eye candy. Delicious (not in sexual way, but in "ish, geramnyer" drooling kind of way). We did went out for teh tarik at Mawar one day after work. Both of us clicked straight away, and chatted for hours - discussing career, medical schools and personal stuffs like his issues with his girlfriend (she is an Arab muslim & he is a devoted Christian) and my long distance relationship. He left not long after that because he lived too far away from the GP, and he was getting tired from all the travelling he had to do to come to work.

He has now, of course, finished medical school, and working as house officer in Anaesthetist Department in the hospital where I am doing my attachment now. He looked thinner and less toned than previously; nevertheless still gorgeous as ever. He is surprised to hear me still working part time at that GP - this is my 3rd year with them, for heaven sake! He has taken on his job pretty well, and he said it's not really as bad as he thought. In fact, he enjoyed working as doctor! We talked about final exam, and other petty matters before he rushed off to A&E.

It feels nice to see how life has taken up once you finished medical school. I know I will be alright at the end of the day. I hope all the envious feeling about other people life which seemed to get into my system these days will go away.

Wahai tuhan, lapangkanlah hatiku, terangkan hatiku untuk menerima ilmumu and berkatilah hidupku ini.

I found a treasure

I was walking down the Westbourne Grove road when I passed by my all time favourite Traid shop. It was almost its closing time, but somehow I feel tugged to go in. Me thinking,"Oh yeah, what the hell, let's just go in and have a look".

I went casually to where they hang all the usual day and evening tops. I flipped through the clothes when I stumbled to this extremely (ok, almost exxagerating) refined and gorgeous dark purple Karen Millen beaded viscose (it felt like cashmere, somehow) cardigan. Trying to hide my excitement, I picked another blue and chocolate stripped Next shirt as well before I went to the dressing room. I tried the cardigan first, and my oh my, it is my size and the fitting, is just soooo right. It has silk trimmed at the wrist and the lower part of the cardigan. A corset flower and beads were sewn on its top right corner. "I really have to have this, otherwise God know when is my other chance to have Karen Millen piece of clothing". (other reason for saying this is I don't believe in blowing so much cash for designer clothes, I might as well put my money aside for me & hubby house in Shah Alam). I looked at the price tag - it's only 13.99 GBP. This can't be right, innit? Karen Millen top is so expensive, about 80 GBP per piece, let alone evening top like this cardigan! So I looked through the cardigan for any flaws. There is absolutely nothing. Why would people give something this nice to the charity shop? The only reason I could think of is either this person has ballooned their size, or someone has accidentally mixed this stunning piece with the pile of clothes to give to charity shop. I did tried the Next shirt, but it looked so "kekurangan" compared to the cardigan. Hehe.

I went to the cashier to pay, and she complimented, " This top is simply heavenly,". To which I replied, "Yeah, I know. I just have to buy it, otherwise if I don't, I probably will cry". So much for trying to hide my excitement!

Gonna wear this top for our evening out next Monday. We gonna watch Jerry Springer The Opera!

Gesture

Steve told me, "I hope you WILL be back working in London".

I hope too Steve. And I hope I will never ever be a patient of your (dentist cum psychiatrist). Bizarre combination, innit?

This guy really has some guts. Graduated from King's College as one of their best dental graduate, he turned is back to dentistry and decide to do 5 years medicine degree at my Uni. Yes, he did earn a lot as dentist, but he still feel meaningless in his life. By doing medicine he feels can do more to the society. I wonder why he didn't choose Fast track Graduate entry. He did part-time locum dentist job to support him through medical school. He survived his parents' bickering about his life. Last year he found love with this German exchange medical student. Both of them loving Psychiatry to bits. They are so sweet together; I really hope they will make it to marriage in later years. It pays off isn't it...He found both passion and love. Talk about turning your life around.

My plan: Have lotsa money in the bank, pays off the bank loans for cars & houses, then I will travel the world with Medicin du Monde. Uh, did I mention I also want to change health care system in Malaysia? See if I made it to politics, hahaha. Some ambition ye?

Just a few notes

Sometimes it takes a lot of sacrifice and years of hardship to get us learn something from life. There will always be the end of everything that you have to go through. Be patience and keep busy!

Did I mention that these days I always feel tired? I slept in the bus the other day, on the way to work. I NEVER slept in any bus journey within London. When I got home, I have to take about 10 - 20 minutes nap after dinner before I commence any work at nite.

Looking forward to Christmas holiday and Hogmanay in Edinburgh.

Need a girly travel holiday. Wish I could just jump into the next plane to New York, and travel like mad in the States. Except that I have travel on the plane so much this year, I could not bear another long haul flight yet, which reminds me I just come back from Malaysia end of October 2004.

Interesting day!

It has been an interesting albeit busy day today.

On my way to work in the bus, I saw 6 plates arranged horizontally on the roof of bus stop at Shoreditch. Each plate has 1 pint of milk and a bowl of cornflakes. I wanted to capture it with my LG camera phone but missed the chance.

On my way home, a road traffic accident occurred at Oxford Street. You see, this street has only 2 lanes - one going west & another one going east. You can imagine how disasterous the traffic jam is. Metropolitan polices rushed along oxford street on the bikes. People got off the buses (including me) and walked down the street towards Tottenham Court Road. Empty buses, cabs and cars (pity them for being stucked in between traffic) lined perfectly along Oxford street. Pretty amazing sight. Christhmas light glittering brightly in the background. At Oxford Circus tube station, Northern line services was delayed and no services at another line (I was deaf my the noise that I failed to hear which line it is). For some unknown reason, I was very calm going through this, munching away my Roses chocolates. I even stopped on the streets, and took time capturing the scenes of traffic jam and its stomach of chaos. This is London at its best/worst (depends on how you see it). I know I am going to miss this city, but 5 years here, has been long enough. I grew tired with the tubes. Right now, bus is car.

Uh..uh, forgot to mention. Some of my art works including those nude drawings from previous life drawing class are being exhibited at Whitechapel Barts & the London student union today:D

Baggage2

Why a leaf?

So that you will just follow the winds.And you change as the season changes.And your end faith will be decided by the climate. As easy as that.

Truth is I have a lot of baggage in this life, which I have difficulty in sharing it with friends apart from very close trustworthy non-judgemental people (is not that many, prolly less that fingers in one hand). That is why I have many layers of my personalities, which I exposed depending on the situations.

I am very defensive of my baggage. To allow people to see my vulnerability makes me feel very raw and bare. The only person who ever see me in that position is my husband. I hate sympathy because I feel it belittles me. Which is why I will not pity someone who suffered misfortune eg: losing someone from death, suffering non-curable illness etc...I swear to myself don't ever say, "Kesian xx, his dad passed away etc...". I will say something like, "I think you are coping well"/ "Losing someone like that is hard, isn't it"/"You can talk to me, I am here if you ever need me".

Doing this blog is some kinda therapy helping me to open up. Not too much I hope.

Baggage

God will not throw things you can't handle.

If there is such things as next life, I hope I will come back as a leaf.

Free lunch

Sometimes I think free lunch from drug representatives is a way for doctors/medical students to get back to all the days where we missed lunch (due to works or lack of money or cash machines in the hospital broke down).

http://www.nofreelunch.org

Prolly because I am not yet a medical practitioner by law, I can't really see how drug representatives promotion can influence medical practice. I think I did improve my pharmacology knowledge a bit by going to drug reps talk & lunch. I tend to do a bit of literature search before jumping into conclusion (good practice?).