Yucks!

Frozen cheese cake, that is. Might as well spent the money on another tub of Haagenz Dazs Cookies & Cream.

A sum up

One of the joy of being finalist is, as I discovered it, opportunity sort of rolls itself towards you. Consultant has more confidante on you and you are able to do a lot more than just stupid stuffs. I am joining another audit in another SSM, which is a retrospective study on complications arise from epidural injection, with Dr N, a clinical attachment guy. And yeah, I am still doing the audit on prolactinoma with Francine.

Today is my first day with Dr B, (he is the rheumatologist, my previous Dr B is a pathologist - 2 different people) and he had me & Dr N clerked patients. After such a long break, I am now back to clinical skills. It doesn't feel daunting, and I think I did a pretty good job.

Quite a good day. I hope I will be able to do all these job without losing my marbles.

------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

Went to see The Grudge with Fara on Saturday nite, after Atol sudden departure to Southampton. I prolly will think twice of going to see another horror movies in cinema. Made a complete fool of myself by screaming the loudest in the cinema. I literally shrinking into my seat, hiding behind my red jacket. My tummy ached afterwards, from the anticipation of horror from the film. Lotta heart stopping moments (for me) in the movies.

Btw, the movie is more scary if you do not watch Ju-on at the first place.

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Went to career fair with Atol & Fara on Saturday. Got a lotta freebies, so many pens and I manage to "steal" a quite nice bag from Pfitzer stall. That Pfitzer guy looked so hesitate nak give me & Fara the bag. Hehehe, they make so much money, it would not hurt their damned pocket..

Check this out...

http://newsletter.ebaumsworld.com/newcondoms.html

Remind me how much I love you

Hatiku masih seperti dulu
Tak pernah berubah cintanya

Hatiku masih merinduimu
Walaupun ku jauh darimu

Tahukah dikau betapa hebat cintaku
Tanpamu di sisi aku kerinduan

Biarpun ombak merubah pantai
Kasihku takkan hancur berderai
Biarpun hari berganti hari
Kau tetap kunanti


P/S: Please don't "kesian"/pity me for being in long distance relationship with my hubby... I have a responsibility to MARA and all Malaysian tax-payers to finish my studies successfully. The least you could do as my friends is to make me laugh.

.....

Uh..uh, just find out that I am going to be with prof. Kumar gastroenterology team for my medicine firm. She is the author of Kumar and Clark, the bread and butter for medical students.
Understandably, I am feeling quite petrified. Man, she is going to have so much expectation from her final year student. From the look of it, I am the only student for that firm. (aahhhhh, more reason to be petrified). I know people who did her firm in third year said it is quite a tough, you learn a lot though (try looking at a better side).

These past few days....

These past few days, I have been spending a lot of time travelling to and fro Newham Hospital, browsing pathology patients database, been on the phone to lotta consultants secretaries and been on my hands and knees try to find the patients records for my another audit - this time is about prolactinoma, and I am doing it with Frances. Not to mention we have to wait for another batch of patients records to arrive from a place called "Iron Mountain". It sounds like a magical place..ehehe. What a crap way to spend your final clinical year, huh. Anyway, I did learnt ways of communicating with the switchboard, transferring my call from one hospital to another then to another. Also learnt how to trace medical records movement in hospital.

Honestly speaking, I quite like doing these administrative works albeit it is boring as hell. Kinda break for awhile from all these studying and clinical work. I know if I did not make it as a doctor (touchwood!), I will be an excellent secretary or PA. My Monica-pain-in-the-ass organising skill will definitely pays off.

I remembered there was one time when the house officer had to called police to find this particular patient to come back to hospital for treatment. He (the patient) had deliberately gave wrong number to hospital, and because it was absolutely vital (or otherwise could be a fatal consequence for him) he came back to hospital, we resolved to calling the police. Quite extreme it might seems, but we DO want our patients to live. Some people just don't appreciate that.

This morning went to library at St Barts. Btw, do you know that Mark Darcy office in Bridget Jones, is filmed at St Barts? Remember the scene where Bridget get off from the cab to go to Mark office, that is the entrance to our hospital and they use the same guard house. Where Mark is having meeting, that is our Great Hall. You can say I am pretty excited seeing my medical school in Bridget Jones!

Tomorrow my friend, Atol (ex-KMYS) come down to London. Its been ages since the last time I saw and spend time with her. I am such a different person now.

Entirely for educational purpose

Learn a few new terms for a number of sexual activities in Sexpression training session on Sunday. I just put them up here so you lot can learn a bit from it. Knowing these terms in kinda important in my hopefully soon-to-be-job, so when any patient talk about it, I would not be surprised, hence may appear judgemental. Some interesting ones are:

Daisy chaining - kinda of an orgy with everyone link up in a circle in any kind of sexual positions and ways. (When I heard this, I initially thought it involves some kind of bondage.Apparently not!). FYI, bondage is a sexual practice that involves physical restraining eg: being tied up, cuffs and all.

Dogging - having sex in public place with stranger +/- audiences. Recently on the rise in the UK.

Golden shower/ water sports - derived sexual pleasure from urine eg: being peed on, drink pee. Remember those articles in newspaper saying drink pee good for your health? I personally wouldn't though.

Scatting/shitting - derived sexual pleasure from playing with faeces. I thought this is some kind of urban legend initially - I thought who would? Apparently a club in Hackney is closed by the Health Authority because of this. There are risk of hepatitis infection associated with this.

Dry sex - sex which does not involve sharing body fluids. In some cultures this can also mean use of herbs or other preparations to dry vaginal secretions prior to sex. I find this quite strange..

Have a good day!

Sexpression

Just come back from Sexpression training session. Its been a good day, and we had a free sponsored social dinner in L'Oasis (English food, urghh!). Been here for 4 years and me still not liking bland tasteless English food. Since many is not halal and no fish, so I have to choose Vegetarian option. Choose this nachos with melted cheese,sour cream, salsa, jalapeno and guatomale sauce (don't remember how its pronounce). Not what I expected at all. Quite soggy, not very nice at all. Might as well go with pasta option but am not up for pasta today. We had quite heavy lunch with curry and rice.

We are taught how to talk about sex and contraception to local school teenager. Quite fun, albeit an embarrassing subject to some. Imagine talking about putting a condom to 30 people with a plastic willy on your hand! We did got our hands on some variable size condoms, female condoms, variable taste of lubricants and dom, which is a protection for female oral sex. I never actually see dom in Boots or Superdrug.

FYI, you can get sexually transmitted disease like Herpes and syphilis if you have unprotected oral sex. So be careful you guys. I know quite a lot of ppl who thought they cannot get STD if they do oral sex.

Teenage pregnancy in Tower Hamlet (the London borough covered by our Uni) is the worse in Western Europe. It is quite common to see lotsa under 16 having babies, and kids have sex as early as 12. Talk about society breakdown!

Blank

Its been an exhausting day, with the very cold weather, gushy wind and rain. Dah la rain "malaysia style". My socks are soaking wet by the time I got home. Nyesal tak pakai boots today. My umbrella dah macam cendawan shape, from the very strong gushy wind we had today.

Am listening to Enya now. Very calming and soothing after a long hot shower.

I don't know what to write anymore. Calming sgt sampai what I plan to write went blank. CeH!

Till later.

Try this

It freaks me out.

http://amir1.netfirms.com/ramalan.html

Raya

This is my fifth raya away from Malaysia. And away from my husband. Of course it sucks, but I am determined to enjoy raya as much as possible, and let's face it, being sad doesn't help at all. I terribly missed hari raya with my family (that include my stepmother and stepsister) in Malaysia, so I have devised a lot of coping mechanisms over the years. I stopped listening to all lagu raya, only listened to takbir on pagi raya, spent the time with friends and avoided being lonely or better still, like previous raya, I spent whole night preparing my A+E presentation and gave presentation to my collegues and docs on pagi raya.

Anyway, I did have a blast time going from one open house to other open house. Enjoying the food and atmosphere. The night before raya was spent chatting with friends. On pagi raya (nasib baik wake up pasal last nite sleep at 4 am) , unfortunate enough, there was no water at Mara hostel. Apparently the main pipe at Holland Park burst and the whole bayswater area is affected. I was quite lucky to be able to shower before the water really gone, and sempat went for 2nd batch of solat raya. Tak sempat put my make up on, and wear a scarf as I planned beforehand. K unluckily missed the solat raya. After that we went to High Commisioner house, and alhamdulillah no rain like last year. We are so exhausted by then, and went to have a nap at S place. Then we went to W and Auntie N open house. The weather was really cold, and by the end of the day, my pinkies are really numb and I feel like I have sprained my ankle.

On 2nd day of raya, only cold water returned. Hot water was in minutes quantities. Since we gonna be late, I choose to shower in ice cold water (as A and S does). It was bloody cold, my skin was tingling and it got me thinking of Iceland. Then pegi raya at MSD, went for coffee with F & S, then pegi raya again. Return to place that night, and Francine gave me the SSM audit tasks to do. Called Alex, ceh, minah ni pegi Spain rupanya. Been searching for her for the last 2 weeks. Gonna called Dr B tomorrow to sort out and rediscuss my learning objectives.

Called my hubby on pagi raya (waktu Malaysia) and he also spent his time with his good old friends in KL. Good to know, at least he is not going to have a miserable time missing me. He visited my family the day before raya beofre my family went back to kampung.

3rd day of raya sees all normal routine returns. I am at work at the moment, so before Dr W catch me using the internet (Kevin has been so nice teaching me which way to turn my screen so if Dr W sees me, she wouldn't know that I have been on the net, hah! Gratitude to my boss.), I might as well pen off. Gonna watch Bridget Jones 2 tonite (free ticket courtesy of Dawson Hall) at Barbican cinema (don't even know where it is, so going with Lynette). Taa!

P/S: FYI, a lot of Bridget Jones 2 filming was done at my place, at Clerkenwell. I bumped into Renee when she was filming in front of our St. Barts hospital.

What if?

I still can't shrug off the melancholic feeling of losing my mobile phone. That phone has worked for me for so long; it feels like losing my arm. I absolutely adore that Nokia phone, now its no longer available in the market. It has a sentimental value - I stored some of my wedding photos,family photos. Not to mention all the important contact numbers I had with it. Nak wish selamat hari raya to those ppl pun takleh.Huaaa..

To all mobile phone thieves, may you all rot in hell and be impotent for the rest of your life. I wish you will never had any happiness and the guilt will shadow the rest of your life, dickhead. Shame on you thieves.

Before the rest of my swearing words/sumpah seranahs surface in this blog, I think I will stopped here.

The worst day of my life

When you think your day could not get any worse, it actually gets worse.

I was on my way to terawikh when suddenly tube services was halted because of "passenger action" in Liverpool Street. So I wait and wait for district line to Bayswater, then I realise it will be too late for me to get there in time, anyway. And suddenly the intercom announce loudly that there is a passenger "under the train" in Liverpool Street. "Oh Bugger", I thought. I decide to go back by bus, since the tube will take a looooonnngggg time to recover anyway.

Then Emily called suddenly. So I talk to her until I board the bus. On the bus, there was this 2 crazy afro caribean guys keep bothering me. So I decide to get off. While waiting for the door to open, out of sudden they stand behind me; it took me by surprise. When I get off the bus, my phone was not in my bag anymore. I panic. "Shit, this can't happen again". So I rummaged my bag, it wasn't there! Bloody hell! This is the second time I lost my phone this way, and both happened at Oxford Street. Shit, shit. And I have been planning to call my hubby tonite.

Just when I though my day could not get any worse, when I arrive home, my laptop could not be started. I panic (again!). Run to Lynette room. We restart and restart the lapytop, we can't even get to the desktop. It stucked at Window Xp blue window. "It probably some silent virus", says Lynette. "But I never download anything or open any dodgy e-mail!". If I were you, I prolly reboot it but that's mean you gonna lost all your file", implied Lynette. "You might as well send your laptop to the Computer Service at Robin Brook Centre". Oh My GOd, this can't really be happening to me. Have I been such bad girl that God punish me?

Come back to my sense."Yeah, might as well try, right?".

So tomorrow, I have to go to Computer Centre, buy a new phone and return Tim's phone. He is so nice, let me borrow his mobile - I use my T-mobile sim card on his phone. While I remember, he is living next to Lynette room, room 206.

Such bad luck today. Please God, forgive me for any of my sins and save me from falling into deeper shitty trouble.

Btw, I receive an e-mail from a guy, who I am not very close too, asking too much question about me and hubby. He is nice, but I try to keep some distance since I know he had a crush on me. He asked me out when me and hubby are boyfriend-girlfriend item. His e-mail makes me uncomfortable, that's all.

To all the reader, have a nice day!

The uncertain age

How do you feel in your final year at university?

Lately I have been having a mixed feeling. As happy as I am to finally arrive at the final year of my university life and the thought of getting my very first degree (glee!), I have mixed feeling of fear what is gonna happen next. Should I work in UK, should I not. If I work in the UK, where on this British land, I am going to end up. If I work in the UK, money will be the driving factor, is it worth it? and how much money la can make you happy, cos money will never be enough...I (I think too much). In short, its a scary world there.

I am just hoping I will not kill any patients when I become a doctor nanti.

I can't wait to see myself in my 30s. By then, I hope I have sorted out my life and career and achieve financial stability. Not that I don't like being 20s. 20s is fun, young, adventurous and this is the time where you can wear a lot of young chic sexy clothes and get away with it. Nonetheless at age of 20s, you are uncertain which way life is going to take you, wonder whether you make a mistake of choosing one option and lotsa trial and error going on. We work hard to gain recognition in career and prolly fame among some ppl.

At age 30s, most ppl have develop their sense of being and have better understanding of what they want from life. There are a lot of things I plan to do in my 30s. Its gonna be some adventures! At the moment, I guess I have to concentrate in finishing my degree, then career and family.

Anyway, today, I start part-time work (again!) at the same GP. Hehe, they still hadn't get rid of me and Shima. Can't believe this is 3rd year in running I work there. Also, unexpectedly, I won 100 GBP as my elective award. Now I need to write another elective report to be send to Registry, as part of agreement for getting this award.

Bad girl guide to flirting (does not apply to all countries)

Last nite, there was this Greek guy who flirt outrageously with me in London Underground. I assume it was the beer that make me look pretty at his eyes. I was on my own at that time on my way home from the Hospital. Sebagai seorang isteri yang setia, I buat "dono" jelah.

This is drawn from some experiences when I was single.

1. Get engage or married.
The fact that you are off the single girl market, hence the "unattainable", will make your charm more irresistible. No joke.

2. Eye contact.
Play the eye contact game - happen a lot in London Underground. Also, make sure he is not a stalker/serial killer. If tak suka, don't look back at their eyes, buat2x tak perasan.

3. Get a new haircut.
Being different than usual make you more confident. And make sure the haircut suits your face.

4. Put a bit of make-up on.
Look nice and presentable, not "tarty". Guys looking for more serious relationship tend to go for decent looking girl.

5. Go clubbing.
The ethanol will make all of us look pretty.

Flirting is a game you need to play carefully before embarking to relationship. It may be the real thing and it may not be.

I remember the first time I met my husband. I don't really think he flirted with me though, although ada beberapa orang time tu mention he stared at me a lot the first time we met. He made me laugh so much masa "touristguiding" me in Zurich. I was having a miserable phase in my life at that time and he lifted me up. Thanks honey.

It was so memorable as well. We pretended to be husband&wife-on-honeymoon pasal taknak kena denda lupa beli ticket masa naik tram. Nasib baik org tram tu kindhearted la jugak, so dia denda us as one person je. Kalu tak terbang SFR 120.

Its Friday!

Have you ever find yourself in a situation where you have to spent pretty good hours with ppl that annoys you sooooo much, not to mention that you have to layan their small talks as well?

H really annoys me. Today he has been getting into my nerve; I feel like nak sumbat the sole of my shoes to his mouth. I am getting exhausted with this audit thing (so as others - Debbie, Vicky, that Brits Asian guy whom I-forget-what-his-name-is), apart from H who has no life and keep making unfunny jokes. H is an Indian Singaporean guy, and my oh my, he is sooooo keen. Telinga I dah tak tahan nak dgr how delightful/ fulfilling his day is because dpt buat a lotta blood tests, ABG and such. The moment he really spurred my anger tadi is when the SHO I shadowed tadi ask other medical student (who happened to be standing near him) to flick the BNF for him. H stupidly asked why my SHO didn't ask me to flick the BNF for him. I am not his kuli batak, H!

My SHO today seemed....not really comfortable being shadowed with medical student, prolly because he can't really get away with ciggies break. He is oklah, but his work is a bit on lembab side. Pas tu always said - I have done bloody lotta work, today is fucking busy, that bloody nurse at Elm Ward keep fucking bleeping me, why they always do that to us, that nurse have taken my patients notes, fucking rude etc.... etc... (I don't mind people swearing, but only at the right time ie when you are really pissed. Not in every normal conversation. It doesn't make you look cool)

Another 2 days before I end my audit rotation. Tak sabar nak habis - missed pegi terawikh, missed seeing my friends at dinner time, missed going out.

Becoming parents...

Lately, a lot of my friends have become parents. Me? My of my...

I think I am not really that "maternal" person. I vividly remember the first time I saw women in labour video in second year - my first instinct is "Oh my Lord, labour is soooo disgusting and painful and I don't want to do that. Ambik anak angkat pun takpe".Then, 2 years down the line, when I did my Obs & Gynae attachment, I know I did not enjoy being in labour ward. I truly enjoy the Gynaecology aspect though.

I remember I wait for 6 hours for the women to give birth, my migraine start kicking in. The headache so bad that I went to puke in the loo. I end up going back home because feeling unwell. The woman gave birth 3 hours later. I hate the lingering bloody "period" smell (haha, and I am a woman for god sake). I even consider elective Caesarean (if I want to give birth la), but thinking about the pain post-operatively gives me a shudder.

See, how "unmaternal" I am. I guess I still had a lot of growing up to do. Becoming parents is such a huge responsibility. I want to make sure we are mentally, emotionally and financially prepared to do that. I hope I will be a good parent who will always be there for their kids. I want to see them grow up and not missing important moments in their life. When I was growing up, there isn't much guide or support from my parents to help me combat my teenage years. We don't communicate that much.

My hubby & I have been talking about the possibility of trying to have kids in 1-2 years time down the line. Next August hopefully I will start my PRHO year. Am thinking if I have to work 13 hours per day, how much time, really, I will spend with my baby (if I am going to have one). Hmmm...

Life

Just read elly blog, and she mentioned sth about why med student tend to write medics stuffs in their blog. Many bloggers use blog as diary online kinda thing - writing what you been through during the days, hence that's why I suppose.

Anyway, try diverting from medics subject, its American election today. I am leaning towards Kerry. Nonetheless, I am not surprise when Bush is declared a winner. Pre-election, although statistically speakin not much difference, you can see Bush has stronger influence. Brits called him "Dubya". I am not sure how he got this name.

Today I picked up my new passport with a new photo of the real me. The old passport bear the photo of "old" me. I know I have changed a lot since I come to the UK. I become more independant, a lot calmer, more mature and know how to groom myself. Masa high school dulu, I was known as someone who is "kecoh", tak tau nak match colour, gedik, mengada2x, highly insecure dan sebagainya. I was very aware with what people say. I always compare myself with other people, and always feel less than other people. I hate myself at that time. I remember in high school, I admire the ladylike, sweet looking manja girls - bak kata org melayu, jenis perempuan melayu terakhir yang boleh dibuat bini - and a lot of guys in my school "minat" them . I am faaar from that. There is one thing though, I am not sure whether I am still afraid of what people say or felt people will be judgement, I rarely mention from which high school I came from unless being asked repeatedly. I am not really the product my high school will be proud of.

I am glad I come to the UK, and discover the real me. I know that I have an adventurous nature, always want to try new things, have a passion of travelling and a lot braver than what I used to think of myself. I have broader mind and better communication skills. I accept criticism more readily and no longer "cry baby cry". I can handle myself in any sticky situation. I discover holiday romance which has blossomed to be the love of my life.

Sometimes I wonder how different my life would be if I have taken the offer to go to Monash Medical School in the land of Down Under.

Crappy day

Such a crap day today. Very little sunshine and Sejuk lak tu.

I start off early and eager at 8.00 am. Arrive at Newham General Hospital at 9.30 am; fresh face to do SSM. Then what happened?

Receptionist at Medical Academic still hasn't turn up and there is no message as to say where I am suppose to be. Worse still, I am the only student who is doing this SSM. Wait and wait in the library, then went to Pathology Dept., only to be told Dr B is in clinic. Was told to come later at 1 pm. I decided to went home, and decided to just call Dr B from home to find out (at least I won't waste time). Fortunately, this seemed to be the case!

When I finally succeed in getting her (after 10 calls) at 15.30, she told me my task is to continue my predecessor work on thyroid antibodies; they are now work as house officers at another hospital in London. Apparently their research is still hanging on the air, and they need someone to complete it, which will be me! I definitely am going to ask them to put my name in it when this research is done.

Know what Dr B said? Call me in 2 days time if you still has not heard from me or my predecessor. Meanwhile I am free as a bird. The only thing that get me going is my involvement in the audit - shift to day start 5pm till 10 pm; at least I have something to do and get paid for it!

Urgghh.My body is aching all over from 13 hours shift per day last weekend!

Off to Newham again for my evening audit shift! Puasa pun tak bukak lagi.